There's no class today. (Thank God.) Sunday is the only day that Tiger is closed. But I think I'll venture down anyway. After breakfast... I cried. I'm soooo sore and so alone. This is why I wanted to be on camp. I've never been around a culture different than my own and it feels weird. So day 2... I'm already in tears. When I left home I wasn't exactly in the greatest state of mind. Seclusion in a place this far away is probably what I need in order to face myself. I'm emotionally overwhelmed with what I left behind, and what I'm facing. I have no idea how I'm going to make anything happen. Where will I go? What am I going to do with my life? I know I'm being way too hard on myself already. I think my phone got shut off finally. :( Then I cried again because I've now lost all connection to everything I know. I don't have Internet. All I have now is myself. In a place thousands of miles from home.
I had a weird dream I was in India alone. It was awful. There was no one else there. And it was really dark and lonely. I guess I have a lot in life to take a look at. And really get myself back on track emotionally. Mum Jokeman from Ong Bak and Tom Yum Goong is on TV right now on some comedy variety show. He's so funny. And I feel a little more at home watching him.I just want to feel normal again. I'm kinda surprised how quickly my emotions came up when I got here. Or that simply relocating could bring such an awkward feeling. It seems also that everyone here has someone. A friend or a significant other. And I'm again reminded of how completely alone I am and always have been. And how much I wish I had a partner of my own to share my life with. Not that I consider myself a desperate woman looking for any man to come and complete her. I just feel like a person who was meant to share love with someone amazing. And I wish for this man to come into my life soon. And for some reason... I feel like Thailand is where I was supposed to find him. I have a hard time telling people that while coming here for Muay Thai was a BIG part of why I came... the first and foremost reason was to find love. I pray I will find my way to him. I am grateful to have this journal to write all these things in. Thank you Jill.
*fyi: I orginially wrote all these things in a journal given to me before I left for Thailand that my friend Jill gave to me. A lot of people signed pages of it throughout the journal that I didn't discover till I started filling the pages with my own writing. And certain journal entries I mention them... just so you're not confused.*
I had a weird dream I was in India alone. It was awful. There was no one else there. And it was really dark and lonely. I guess I have a lot in life to take a look at. And really get myself back on track emotionally. Mum Jokeman from Ong Bak and Tom Yum Goong is on TV right now on some comedy variety show. He's so funny. And I feel a little more at home watching him.I just want to feel normal again. I'm kinda surprised how quickly my emotions came up when I got here. Or that simply relocating could bring such an awkward feeling. It seems also that everyone here has someone. A friend or a significant other. And I'm again reminded of how completely alone I am and always have been. And how much I wish I had a partner of my own to share my life with. Not that I consider myself a desperate woman looking for any man to come and complete her. I just feel like a person who was meant to share love with someone amazing. And I wish for this man to come into my life soon. And for some reason... I feel like Thailand is where I was supposed to find him. I have a hard time telling people that while coming here for Muay Thai was a BIG part of why I came... the first and foremost reason was to find love. I pray I will find my way to him. I am grateful to have this journal to write all these things in. Thank you Jill.
*fyi: I orginially wrote all these things in a journal given to me before I left for Thailand that my friend Jill gave to me. A lot of people signed pages of it throughout the journal that I didn't discover till I started filling the pages with my own writing. And certain journal entries I mention them... just so you're not confused.*
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